Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
