Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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