I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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