i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize