Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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