I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
