dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
