I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
