I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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