you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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