We won't sleep together?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
