I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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