After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize