Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
