Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
