i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
