I am puke
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
