get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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