her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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