Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
