You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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