I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
