I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
