Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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