This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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