My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
