i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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