Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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