Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
