it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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