if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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