I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
we're so committed to being not committed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm always down for nudity.
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