After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my being single is dangerous.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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