high people should be assigned attendants
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
