my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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