I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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