Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize