I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize