bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
