Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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