Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
