There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.