that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
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Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.