In the future we'll all be gay
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch