her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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