Don't make out with my wife yet
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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