I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
