Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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