I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
