I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
they're like a gay fantastic four
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
