Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
