I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
