I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
