please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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