If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
