The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
