i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
