This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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