it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
