so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
