I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
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Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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