the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
