I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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